What?! I know, weird title, right? It's our new family motto:) - so here are my thoughts about being happy.
The other day JT was having a melt-down. He was saying that he wasn't happy, he'd had a terrible day, and he didn't have a happy life. His day, you ask? It had consisted of spending the day having fun with the family, going swimming, eating out, having a treat, etc. But now, oh the horror, he couldn't play video games, and that was the focus of his unhappiness. This called for a lecture. First, I pointed out to him all the fun things that had happened that day - we made a list, and it was long. Then I pointed out that only ONE thing had gone "wrong" that day (no video games). Obviously there were a LOT more good things going on than bad, but because he was focusing on the ONE bad thing, he was feeling unhappy.
Pssst, here's where my title comes in.
I said, "JT, happiness is not something that just happens to us, it is something we choose. If a bird poops on you, you don't have any control of that - it just happens. But happiness is not bird poop. You have to CHOOSE to be happy, and it's easier to choose that when we focus on (or do) good things instead of bad things" (of course, this produced a lot of laughing, and suddenly it was much easier for him to feel happy;)).
I've been thinking about happiness a lot lately, partly because my friend
Naomi is devoting a whole month of blog posts to happiness, which I think is great. She is including posts about things like flowers, colors, exercise, singing, dancing, romance, reading, etc. My own list would also include family and friends, good food, Disneyland (for my inner child:)), and the mountains, to name a few. All of these things make it easier for us to choose to be happy. In fact, they make it so easy sometimes, that it doesn't feel like a choice - we say "these things MAKE me happy." but nope, I still think it's a choice.
It's more obvious that happiness really is a choice when it's harder to make that choice....and sometimes it's a lot harder. Life's circumstances are often downright unhappy (and I'm not talking about people with depression/chemical imbalances, etc. because that's a whole other issue, and sometimes goes beyond mere choice). Sometimes we choose things that make us sad, angry, frustrated, etc. But often, they really are just things that happen to us, and that we have no control over. Sometime's life's circumstances are bird poop, for heaven's sake!
I remember when Joe had to be in Korea for a year without me - not a happiness-inducing circumstance, not to mention that I had a brand new baby who was very fussy. One day, during that time, my sister asked me if I was happy. I was able to honestly answer that, Yes, I was. Even though it was one of the hardest times in my life, even though I often cried myself to sleep at night, overall, I really was happy.
Where is your focus? What is your attitude? What are your actions....your choices?
For me, I focused on my family and other blessings. I was able to live with my parents (yes, that was a good thing). I got to talk to Joe almost every day, and sometimes video conference. I was able to be there to celebrate my grandma's 90th birthday, and I was also there when she passed away (yes, also a good thing). I had two beautiful children that I got so spend my days with, because I didn't have to work, even though I was playing the single parent. Joe got to come home for a few weeks for the birth of the baby. I got to spend time with friends that I hadn't seen in years. I got to live in Utah, which I love. And the list goes on.
Joe sometimes worries that I won't be happy about where we get sent for the military next. I always tell him that it doesn't matter where we go, I'll still be happy - even if it's the last place that I want to go (I won't say where that is, I don't want to jinx myself, hehehehe). Here in Korea, I see a lot of unhappy spouses. It is not always easy to live here. We are half-way around the world from our family and friends. The culture is the complete opposite of what we are used to. We can't speak the language. A lot of the conveniences that we take for granted in America, simply don't exist here. It's not easy to get around. It's crowded. It's polluted. There is a long list of bird poop, and sometimes it's a lot easier to choose to be unhappy here. I know people who just stay at home and count down the days until they leave, and they're miserable the whole time.
I can't do that. I have to choose something else. So despite all the things that are out of my control, despite the fact that I ache to be with my family, despite that sometimes being here just makes me want to pull my hair out, and yes (gasp) I complain.....I choose to focus on the good things, to do the good things, and I choose to be happy. Korea is a BEAUTIFUL country. The four distinct seasons here are fabulous, and I love it. There is so much to see and do here, there is never an excuse to be bored. The people are lovely. The food is delicious. I have great friends here. And best of all, I am here with my husband and children.
I will actually miss Korea when we finally leave, even if I never want to come back;)
Poop happens, as the saying goes - that's how it goes, right?;)
Bird Poop, yes.
Happiness, YES!....because it's not bird poop.
13 - that's how many years ago, this month, that I met Joe. Who ever said that 13 was an unlucky number? Here are some other numbers.
